Hello friends,
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Dereck this week.
Not the office referrals, or the argument, or the moments he talked back to his teachers. I more so think about the way he looked around every room before he would allow himself to settle. At the time, I had no idea what I was witnessing. I just understood that before Dereck could relax, his eyes had to search the room first. This happened in every classroom, every office, and any unfamiliar space he entered. It was as if a piece of him was asking the same question over and over again…. Am I safe here?
Looking back now, I realize how often we’re introduced to someone’s behavior long before we’re introduced to their story. We meet people in the middle of their reactions without ever seeing the experiences that taught them to react that way in the first place.
That’s what this week’s story is really about.
Part 1 of What They Called It introduces a young boy named Dereck. To most of the adults around him, he was difficult, defiant, and disrespectful. But the more time I spent with him, I realized I was looking at the ending of a story that had started long before he ever walked into my classroom.
Sometimes what looks like resistance is really protection. Often the behavior that frustrates us the most, is the very thing that has helped someone survive in a world they no longer trust. The kindest thing we can do is become curious before we become corrective.
☕ Behavioral Truth: What They Couldn’t See
People often ask what finally changed for Dereck.
The truth is...nothing magical happened.
I didn’t discover the perfect strategy or say exactly the right thing. I simply stopped measuring him by his hardest moments.
Instead, I started noticing the quieter ones.
I saw how quickly he finished his work, how carefully he organized papers or sharpened pencils without being asked twice. The energy he spent watching every room before he participated.
Those observations changed the way I responded to him.
The small responsibilities I gave him weren’t meant to fix his behavior. They were opportunities for him to experience success without needing to defend himself first.
Little by little, I Dereck began to soften. Not because he became a different child, but because someone finally responded to the child beneath the behavior.
Even then, I knew I was only seeing a small piece of his story.
The rest was still waiting to be discovered.
Read Part 1: What They Couldn’t See
📖 Guided Reflection Blueprint 2: Dignity Under Pressure
As I finished writing Part 1, I found myself returning to one question:
What are we protecting when we become guarded?
That question became the heart of this week’s reflection blueprint #2, Dignity Under Pressure.
Inside you’ll find journal prompts, guided reflections, and practical exercises designed to help you explore the moments you’ve felt misunderstood, the defenses you’ve learned to rely on, and the needs that may still be hiding beneath them.
This isn’t about judging your reactions.
It’s about understanding where they came from.
If the story resonated with you, I hope the guide helps you continue the conversation with yourself.
Explore this pillar further in Blueprint 2 of The Architecture of Dignity™: Dignity Under Pressure.
Digital Download — $24.
🌿 Weekly Reflection
I still think about the hyper-vigilance in Dereck. How he searched a room before he could feel safe. Over the years, I’ve realized he wasn’t the only one. I’ve met so many children who lived that way.
Adults too.
People who learned, often without realizing it, that staying guarded felt safer than trusting the world around them. Maybe you’ve felt that way yourself.
This week, if you find yourself reacting more strongly than the moment seems to deserve, don’t begin by asking, “What’s wrong with me?”
Instead, try asking, “What does this moment represent for me?”
Sometimes our reactions make more sense when we understand what they’re protecting.
Next week, in Part 2: The Game, I’ll share the story that helped me understand why Dereck had learned to live that way.
Until the next small miracle,
Maria Grace ✨✨
It’s beautifully written. It’s a fine line between a successful Dereck or a juvenile delinquent, all hinges on whether there are enough people in his life who see what’s underneath the behaviour.
That's why curiosity is so powerful, when we stop asking "what is wrong with this person" and instead ask "What is it that they experienced?' we create space for understanding, not judgment. Great reflection Maria.